


All I Want for Christmas

by rowofstars



Series: 31 Days of Fandomas 2018 [7]
Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Christmas, F/M, Family Feels, Implied Relationships, Past Infidelity, Past Relationship(s)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-14
Updated: 2018-12-30
Packaged: 2019-09-18 05:23:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 8,642
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16988829
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rowofstars/pseuds/rowofstars
Summary: Young Gideon French tells Mr. Gold what he'd like for Christmas.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Don't hate me. I'm trying to fix it. I finished this last night and just didn't have the spoons to edit and post. For the 31 Days of Fandomas prompt #13 - Cookies.

“Mr. Gold! Mr. Gold!”

Gold stopped and turned, pivoting on his cane and his heel as he started to smile. Behind him was a young boy with a mop of curly hair and a small paper plate of Christmas cookies.

“I made these for you,” he said proudly. “Mama let me do the sprinkles myself!”

Gold chuckled softly. “Very Impressive. Thank you, Gideon.”

He knelt down, ignoring the protests of his knees, and took the plate of sweets. Each cookie was frosted with a different color, and absolutely caked in rainbow nonpareils and sparkling red and green crystal sugar. He'd have to scrape off at least two layers before he could even think about eating them, but he would enjoy every bite.

Behind Gideon was a table of baked goods, a seasonal fundraiser for the grade school, manned by the boy's mother, Belle French. Gold glanced over at her, his smile fading as she looked away. He wanted to say something, but words always failed him when it came to her. There was one time, years ago, when they hadn't, when the rain fell in heavy sheets and not even the great cracks of thunder and lightning could drown out the sounds of their passion. But there had never been another time after that, and their friendship had almost immediately soured.

“You're welcome, Mr. Gold.”

He brought his attention back to Gideon and fingered the edge of the cling wrap covering the cookies. “They look delicious.”

“So, have you been a good boy this year?” he asked, pushing to his feet.

“Yes!” Gideon exclaimed. “And we saw Santa yesterday at the library.”

“Did you?” Gold's eyebrows lifted in interest. “And what did you ask him to bring you for Christmas?”

Gideon's face turned serious as he began listing off the books on this list. He was so like his mother in that regard, as happy reading about adventures as he was having them with his friends. Gold studied the boy's dark hair and eyes as he spoke, inexplicably drawn to the familiarity of them. They always reminded him a little of his son, Neal, and perhaps his own as well, when he was much younger. Gideon's nose seemed to gain prominence in the last year, and Gold felt a tightness in his chest as he listened to the boy describe a robot dinosaur toy that roared and walked on its own.

He knew that as a single mother on a small town librarian's salary that Belle couldn't afford even half of the boy's list. She had struggled ever since she was pregnant, never having enough money or time, especially after her fiance left. Gold would never understand how anyone could walk away from a person as lovely and kind as Belle, or from their own child. Though her ex appeared to be out of their lives for good, he could not help but hold the bastard in the lowest possible esteem.

Despite Gold's fondness for Belle and her young son, and his desire to help, she would never take charity from him. Every effort he’d made, no matter how small or subtle, was refused unless it was strictly for Gideon. Over the years he’d been allowed to buy the boy an ice cream sundae or two, and gift a few small things from his shop, for a birthday or just because Belle was finding it hard to say no her son that day. He often thought about how things might have been if he hadn't been such a coward for so long, if he possessed the same brightness and bravery that Belle did instead of being filled with anger and resentment. Maybe the features he saw in Gideon that were so like his own wouldn't be incidental.

“That sounds like a lot of things,” he remarked, pushing aside the thoughts and wonderings in his head. “Do you think Santa can fit all that in his sleigh?”

“Well, I hope he brings me most of it,” the boy said, “since Mama already said I can't have what I really want.”

Gold frowned, and shot a quick glance at Belle, but she was looking at something on her phone rather intently. “And what was that?”

Gideon sighed and motioned for Gold to come closer before he answered softly. “I wanted a dad.”

The breath rushed out of Gold, and he leaned heavily on his cane to keep from dropping to the floor. Gideon's voice and his words clawed at Gold's heart, pushing into the places that we're purposely kept dark and hidden. In that moment, he could admit what his heart had long desired - love and family and to look into the eyes of a child and see a little of himself reflected there - and it threatened to break him. He remember that night so long ago, when Belle had needed him and he’d been too weak to say no, to be the better man. He avoided her after that, knowing it was for the best, but almost year later, when she was pushing a newborn Gideon down the street, alone, eyes red rimmed and exhausted, he always wondered if his callous, greedy lust for her had been the cause of all her strife. 

Gold looked to Belle to see if she had heard what the boy said, and her stricken face told him everything. He watched her eyes well up with tears, holding her gaze as he begged her to answer the question he'd never been brave enough to ask.

_Is he mine?_

She nodded almost imperceptibly, and Gold felt the ground give way beneath him.

Minutes later, he was outside, the cold air and light snow stinging his face as he stalked down the street. Belle or Gideon might have said something to him as he all but ran out of the library, but he couldn’t hear them over the pounding in his head and the rush of blood in his ears. Once inside the safety of his shop he let out a sobbing cry and caught himself against one of the glass display cases as he fell to his knees. His hands covered his face, wetting his palms with tears as he screamed into them.

After a long moment, he pushed himself to his feet again, his bad leg throbbing worse than his head, and sucked in a few deep breaths. Then he turned and lifted his cane, bringing it down squarely in the middle of the glass case, shattering it onto the jewelry below.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After Gold leaves the library, Belle comforts Gideon.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Belle POV to help sort out some backstory and how we got here. For the 31 Days of Fandomas prompt #17 - Glow.

Belle watched Gold walk out of the library with her heart in her throat, choking the words she wanted to say and making her breathing ragged.

_He knew._

It was a secret she had never meant to keep, not this long, but once it happened she could never figure out how to tell him. How did you ruin someone’s life like that? How did you explain that you made a mistake that was also the best thing you ever did?

“Mama?” Gideon asked, tugging on the sleeve of her cardigan. “ _Mama?_ ”

She sniffed and wiped at her eyes quickly, turned to him. “Yes, sweetie?”

“Why did Mr. Gold leave?” He kept looking from her to the main door of the library through which Gold had so hastily departed. “Is he mad about what I said?”

Her mouth opened and she dropped down to one knee so she could look her son in the eyes. “Gid, no! _No_ , that is not what happened. He is _not_ mad at you.”

Gideon didn’t seem convinced or soothed by her assurances. “They why did he go?”

Belle bit her lip as she tried to come up something that would sound reasonable to a five year old. “Because Mr. Gold left so he - because he -” 

She stopped and sighed, her whole body sagging under the weight of the mess she’d made of everything. “He had something very important to do in his shop, okay? But he isn't mad at you, he would never be mad at you.”

 _He might completely despise me, though,_ she didn’t say.

Gideon frowned, his mouth twisting one way and then other.

“Okay?” she repeated, taking his hands in hers and giving them both a kiss. Her eyes started to well up again, and her lips trembled as she tried to smile.

His feet shifted, and he nodded. “I’m sorry I told him what I wanted for Christmas.”

Belle’s eyes closed and she let out a slow breath. When she opened her eyes, Gideon was looking at her like he’d broke every rule, every prized possession, and set the cat on fire besides.

“Oh, sweetie!” she pulled him to her, squeezing him in a fierce hug. “No no no, you didn’t do anything wrong. I’m not upset with you.”

He nodded against her shoulder and hugged her back, his skinny arms locked around her neck. After a few minutes, she pulled away, sniffling, and gave him a wobbly smile. “I love you, sweetie, and I promise I’m not mad that you told Mr. Gold what you wanted for Christmas.”

She pressed a kiss to his forehead as he mumbled an ‘okay.’

Just then the other librarian, Wendy Darling, came over to check on them after seeing how Gold ran off. It took Belle a lot of forced cheeriness to convince the older woman that there was nothing significantly wrong. Though Wendy seemed a bit unsure, she also sensed that Belle needed a break from the situation, and told Gideon that she needed his assistance in consolidating the remaining baked goods from two tables to one.

Belle escaped to the circulation desk on the other side of the room, and dabbed at her eyes with a tissue. She watched as Gideon moved plates of brownies and cookies between tables, and rubbed at her chest where a familiar ache had settled.

She shouldn’t have let Gold find out this way, but she was also relieved that he knew the truth, even if it had caused him to run away. The moment she knew she was pregnant, she should have gone to him. She had intended to, honestly, even knowing that he wouldn’t want anything to do with her or the baby. But then a week passed, a month, six months…next thing she knew she was in labor, screaming bloody murder while she squeezed Ruby’s hand because there was no one else.

There had been Will for a time, before and after Gold. Solid, dependable Will, who wanted to be there for her, wanted to love her, but she just couldn’t let him. He was the future she should have desired, but he wasn’t the one that made her heart flutter and her knees weak. He wasn’t the father of her child, and in the end, she broke his heart as well as her own. Gold’s too if she was keeping count. After Will left, there had been no excuse for her not to talk to Gold, except there always seemed to be every excuse. 

Belle went to the door of the library and leaned her head against the cool glass. It was after four and already dark. The short, dreary days felt like a reflection of her soul, and she sighed. Across the street, Gold’s shop glowed into the winter evening, just like it had that fateful night. She’d been cold and soaked to the bone, and the yellow light drew her in with its promise of warmth and safety.

Of course there was the promise of Gold too.

They were friends, good friends she would have said, but she’d always wanted more. Except there’d been Gary and then Will, and in between, so many issues with her father. That night, she stormed out after something he’d said about her and Will. She didn’t remember what it was anymore, just the feeling of anger over what he’d said, and the sadness and guilt over the state of her life that made him right. 

Gold made it all go away. 

It was the same combination of emotions she’d carried ever since then too; the constant reminder of her mistakes, of the pain she’d caused the people she cared about. She looked away from the window and over at her son - _their son_. Gideon was the one purely good and right thing she’d ever done. He deserved the truth. He deserved everything including a chance to know his father if he could.

She had always thought Gold wanted nothing to do with having a relationship or children, he’d always been alone and seemed to prefer it that way. But lately she’d wondered if that was really the case, if maybe those cracks she’d seen in his facade years ago weren’t just her hopeful imagination or the scotch they’d shared too much of.

Belle took a slow, deep breath, her gaze drifting back to the beacon of light that was Gold’s pawn shop, and knew what she had to do.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After comforting her son, Belle goes to talk to apologize to Gold.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this is late for being a fic I was supposed to post on Wednesday, and also twice as long as I intended. Apparently Belle had more things to work through than I thought. Oops. I'm hand waving a lot of their issues away because, well, this fic needs to end by the end of the year and not drag out forever. Sorry. This week has been bananas and awful. For the 31 Days of Fandomas prompt #19 - Cold.

Gold stared at the shattered glass as he took a long swallow of scotch.

He’d swept it into a neat pile before pulling out the bottle of Glenfiddich that he kept in the back room. It wasn’t something he did often; destroy his own property or drink in the shop. The last time he’d touched the bottle was the night Belle stumbled in, dress torn and in tears, needing a friend. His shaking hand poured another finger of liquor and he gulped it down, the burning in his throat and chest a welcome pain. 

It distracted him from other possibilities. 

He wanted to run back across the street, burst through the doors of the library and demand answers. But he wasn’t sure he had a right to them. The way she had nodded, so hesitantly, like she was terrified of the truth. Maybe she was. Admitting she’d had a child with beastly Mr. Gold was probably harrowing for her. The stigma that would come with it, for her and for her son - _their_ son.

He had a son.

His hands curled into fists and he closed his eyes. He never expected to experience being a parent again, much less with someone he - 

The door opened and the bell above it jingled, startling him. He looked up and there she was, the last person he expected to see tonight, shivering from the cold winter air, her hair falling loose around her face. She reached up and pulled a few strands away from the corner of her open mouth as he stepped around the counter.

“Belle…”

He always said her name so soft and breathless. It pulled at something in her when she heard it, and her eyes stung with tears.

“I’m sorry,” she said quickly, needing to at least get those words out before she lost her senses. Her hands pulled at each other, fingers fiddling with her mother’s ring. She was shivering from the chill and her skin prickled with goosebumps.

“I’m sorry I d-didn’t tell you. I - I messed up. I know that. Things just...things happened, and - and I’m just really sorry.”

“A lot of things happened, apparently,” he replied. He put his cane in front of him and folded his hands over it, trying to center himself and be calm while she said whatever she’d come to say. He wanted to scream at her, to demand she tell him why, but he knew it would accomplish nothing. “So many things that for almost six years you couldn’t…? _Six years_ , Belle!”

“I know! Okay?” she shouted back. “I know.” Then she sighed and turned her head, looking at the case of fine china to her right as the first tears rolled down her cheeks. “I’m pretty much the worst person ever, and you probably hate me right now, but please - _please_ \- just listen.”

Fighting with her was not what he wanted. He shook his head. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

She shrugged and folded her arms, wishing she had at least grabbed her sweater before begging Wendy to watch Gideon and trekking out into the night. “I meant to. I wanted to but…” 

He made a face. “But what? What happened?”

“Time,” she said simply, swiping at her eyes. There was a tight feeling left behind by the salt from her tears. He frowned at her, and she sighed again, knowing there was no possible explanation that he would understand. “It passed. And the more it did, the easier it was to keep on letting it, and just - live. Every time I thought about telling you I just...I didn’t know what to say.”

He shook his head and licked his lips, looking at a spot on the floor because it was easier than looking her in the eye.

“After we...were together,” she continued, “I knew I had fucked up. I knew it was unprotected and stupid, and I went to go get some Plan B, except…”

Gold’s head popped up at the mention of the contraceptive. “Except?”

Her cheeks flushed with embarrassment. She thought about those early days often, about all the stupid mistakes she made, but she’d never said any of it out loud. Yet here she was, confessing to the man she loved, the man she had a child with, yet couldn’t have. 

She bit her lip and shrugged one shoulder. “There were so many people there. Sister Astrid, Mother Superior, Mary Margaret, _Leroy_. It was like half of Storybrooke decided at that exact moment they needed something at the Dark Star pharmacy. I was embarrassed, so I left.”

He closed his eyes and exhaled, trying to take in everything she said and put himself in her place. If she went to the pharmacy for Plan B, that must have meant she didn’t want to pregnant. “So...you didn’t want -?”

“To be pregnant?” she finished. “Not at first. I mean my life was kind of a mess, right?” She laughed humorlessly. “My father was a raging alcoholic, they were talking about closing the library so I thought I was going to lose my job. Will and I were… well I don’t know what the hell we were supposed to be but it wasn’t good. Except I never went back for the pills and I - I kinda forgot about it. I thought nothing would happen. Then a few weeks later, I found out I was wrong.”

“And what?” he asked, incredulous. “You just... _ignored_ the situation? Ignored that you were _pregnant?_ You didn’t _want_ Gideon?”

“No!” Belle stepped forward, her heels loud on the floor as if they were emphasizing her words. “No, I _always_ wanted Gideon. He just wasn’t Gideon right away, you know? He was a _thing_ that was happening to me and I panicked.”

“No, I don’t know. I don’t think I can know,” he admitted. He knew a lot about a lot of things, but the life of a young woman, newly pregnant? Impossible. He shook his head as burgeoning tears partially obscured her face. “Why didn’t you come to me?”

Her smile was forced and fell immediately. “I tried once.”

His hand tightened on his cane, pressing the scrollwork on the handle into his palm. The sting grounded him and helped hold back the gasping sob building in this throat. “Once?”

“Yeah,” she brushed her hair back and then folded her arms around her middle. “The day after I took the pregnancy test, I came here. I was ready to tell you, had it all rehearsed in my head, and the door was locked.”

“Locked?”

She nodded. “Middle of the afternoon, and the pawn shop was closed.”

He frowned and tried to think back to when that might have been. He rarely closed up in the middle of the day, save for the few times he’d been too sick to work, or there was a holiday. It would have been a month or so after they were together. The middle of December? Then it hit him and his shoulders sagged.

“The day I went to Boston to help Regina with her adoption.”

“Yeah.” She nodded again and rubbed her hands up and down her arms. The chill had subsided, but she didn’t feel warm. “I didn’t know where you were, of course, but I felt like it was a sign or something because I never came back. Not - not until after Gideon was born.”

Gold almost dropped to the floor. He remembered those horrible days, nearly a year of Belle barely speaking to him. He’d believed it was all his fault. 

He tried to speak, his voice catching on every other word. “I - I always wondered why. I wondered if I - if I’d ever see you again except in passing at Granny’s. I tried to think of what to say or - or do. I thought - ”

He watched as her lip wobbled, her eyes brightening with fresh tears as she started to twist and turn. She always did that when she was upset, like her body was telling her to run away from the situation before she lost her composure. She looked like she wanted to be anywhere but here, talking to anyone but him.

“I wanted you to.”

“What?” He inched forward, straining toward the soft sound of her voice. 

“I hoped maybe you’d just ask me what was going on,” she said, shrugging and putting her arms out to either side, then letting them fall against her body. “I hoped you’d confront me about it, about anything. I kept _wanting_ you to give me a reason to tell you, but you never did. I even named him Gideon _Alexander_ for heaven’s sake, and you never once asked me why!”

“I shouldn’t have had to ask!” He lurched forward as he yelled, his gold tooth flashing in the low light. “This isn’t _my_ fault!”

Belle’s eyes went wide and she leaned her body away from him as her hand came up to touch the collar of her blouse. He knew he was angry, knew he was frightening her, but he didn’t care. All he thought about was that she’d kept him from his son for all those years.

“I _couldn’t_ ask,” he said, forcing himself to push past his wavering voice and tightening throat. “Not when you and - and Will were -”

He paused and swallowed again. She had been with Will for a short time before that night in his shop, and Will had been part of what drove her away that night. He never wanted to break them up, but he couldn’t help but feel like he had, like all of this had. Secrets and lies eroding everything until there was nothing left but dust.

“All you had to do was tell me,” he said, daring to take a step closer. “If you couldn’t say it you could have - I don’t know - written a letter. Shoved a post-it under the door of the shop. Or - or sent a fucking carrier pigeon!”

Belle shook her head and pressed her lips together as more tears broke free and rolled down her cheeks. He was hurt and angry, and so was she, at him, and at herself. “I know okay? I _fucking know!_ ”

Her overbright eyes and tears tugged at his heart. His hand came up, starting to reach for her and then falling away. “I thought - _Christ_ , Belle, I thought you hated me!”

She shook her head. “Why would I hate you?”

“Because I took advantage of you!” 

“No!” She reached for him, nearly stumbling as she moved. “Oh, Alex, no, no, you didn’t.”

“I shouldn’t have, I know, but - but that night - you were so…” Her hand rested over his on the handle of his cane, and he pulled back, running a hand over his face as he blew out a breath. “I thought the worst of myself after that night. I assumed you never said anything about what happened between us because you wanted to forget all about it.”

“Oh, God…” Belle felt her body given out, her energy sapped, and her heart weighed down by all her mistakes. Her knees hit the floor, but she barely felt the sting of the floorboards through the pounding in her chest and her head. “I’m so sorry! I’m sorry. Oh God, how did I let this happen?”

She sagged to the floor, burying her face in her hands to muffle the blubbering sobs that well up from her throat. His chest contracted, an aching pain radiating across his body as he watched her claw at her hair and bend forward, practically laying over her knees. The corners of his mouth drew down, lips wobbling as he bit back the same anguished cry. Then he knelt down in front of her, laying his cane to the side. 

She stretched out an arm and pushed at him, trying to keep him away as he reached for her. “Belle,” he called out, trying to pull her up as she sucked in a wet, gasping breath. “Belle, sweetheart, please. Come here.”

“No, no, no,” she repeated over and over, as he worked an arm around her and pulled her against his chest. She shook as she sobbed, hiding her face against her hands where they were trapped between her and his body. “No, Alex, I can’t - I can't do this. I can't - just _please_ , God _please_ don’t take him! Don’t take him from me!” 

Gold’s stomach sank. “Hey, hey, hey,” he said, softly. “Look at me.” She buried her head further and he pulled back, trying to tip her head up with gentle pressure. “ _Look._ At me.”

She blinked and sniffled loudly, then looked up at him. He was half blurred from her tears, and her eyes burned even in the dim yellow light of the shop. “Please?” she begged, her throat nearly raw.

He shook his head. “Never, okay? _Never_. I’m not - God, Belle, I would never!”

She sucked in a breath and cleared her nose, his words and his warm, solid presence reassuring her. “I love him so much.”

“I know,” he said. “I know you do. You’re an amazing mother. I would _never_ want to take him from you.” Then his head tilted and he frowned. “Is that what you thought would happen if you told me?”

Now that it was out, it sounded utterly ludicrous that Gold would ever try to take Gideon from her. But it had been one of those irrational fears that she used as an excuse to keep the status quo, to keep Gideon’s parentage to herself. She knew she would never survive losing her son, and a pang shot through her as she realized that’s exactly what she’d done to Gold. She’d taken his son from him and now he knew it, now he knew that same pain.

“No,” she mumbled, shaking her head. “No. I don’t - _God_ , I fucked up everything.”

Gold helped her to stand, and pulled her to him, leaning them both against the edge of the counter because his cane was still on the floor. “No. No, you haven’t,” he whispered into her hair. “Hey now, shh, shh, sweetheart. It’s okay. It’s gonna be okay.”

She sighed as her tears subsided, and looked up at him. “Is it?”

His eyes were dark and his lips were parted. She could feel his warm breath against her face and the beat of his heart against her palms where they pressed against his chest. He was warm and solid and even more handsome since he’d cut his hair. She’d loved it long, but something about the short crop he wore now, the silver streaks even more prominent... It did something to her and she’d caught herself thinking about getting her hands into it more than once. Too much about this reminded her of their one night together. 

She’d been upset and wrecked, running from her problems and shivering from the cold. He’d offered her a friendly shoulder and a glass of scotch, and later his arms and his body to soothe all her hurts. It was beautiful and complicated and perfect, and she’d wanted it again ever since. 

Now he was looking at her like he wanted the same thing and that was dangerous. They were too much of a mess.

“Alex…?”

His name came out like a question and prayer, and he felt himself drawn to her. It seemed inevitable in that moment, the two of them, falling into each other like stars colliding. The truth was simple, he loved Belle French. He loved her when she was his friend who met him for lunch every Tuesday, when she was the librarian who teased him about his predilection for murder mysteries - _are you plotting something sinister, Mr. Gold?_ \- and most of all when she was, for one brief night, his lover. That she was now also the mother of his child was unlikely to change that. In fact, he was fairly certain that once he got over being utterly furious and hurt and confused and -

He was kissing her before he could stop, and once he was he didn’t want to stop, ever. The last time he had, just before she left the shop with marks from his hands and mouth on her body, everything went to hell. He expected her to push him away or slap him, but her fingers were curling around the lapels of his suit jacket, hauling him closer as her head tilted and her mouth opened. He caught her bottom lip in his and flicked his tongue over it, dipping inside and tasting her just enough to set his blood boiling.

And then she was gone.

“ _Shit_ ,” Belle gasped as she pulled away, her hands coming up as she stumbled back. “Shit! I’m sorry. I’m so sorry!”

Gold caught her hands and brought them down between them. “No, no, no. That was - it was my fault.”

She shook her head and let out a short laugh, slipping her hands out of his. She wasn’t sure she could touch him right now without wanting to kiss him again. “I suppose it’s both our faults.”

“Just like this situation,” he added.

Belle made a face. “I still think it’s mostly my fault.”

“Takes two to tango…”

Her head dropped back and she groaned up at the ceiling. “That was -”

“Awful,” Gold chuckled, grateful for the break in the tension. The mild teasing and dry humor felt familiar and comfortable. It felt like them. “Yes, sorry.”

She smiled and ran a hand through her messy hair as he finally bent down to retrieve his cane. “So,” she said after a long moment. His eyebrows lifted when he straightened, and she looked up at him, ready to try to move forward. “What do you want?”

“Honestly?” He blew out a breath and shook his head. “I don’t know. I want -” He paused and looked around before meeting her eyes again. “I want to be in Gideon’s life. I want to know my son.”

“I want that too,” she said, giving his arm a reassuring squeeze.

“And I want -” The corner of his mouth curved slightly as he let his gaze travel over her head to toe and back again.

 _You_ , he didn’t say.

“I want to buy him that robot dinosaur.”

A sharp, short laugh escaped her and she nodded. “Okay.”

He grinned. “Yeah?”

“Yeah.” She exhaled and rolled her eyes. “I mean it makes an unholy roaring noise, and eats C batteries for breakfast, lunch, and dinner, but I don’t care. Buy your son a robot dinosaur.”

The sound of her calling Gideon _his son_ made his stomach flip wonderfully. “Do - do they have them at Geppetto’s or am I going to have to order it?”

“They have them. Marco said there were two in the back. I, um, I checked the other day in case I figured out a way to afford one, but -,” she sighed. “I guess that's not a problem for you.”

“Hey, I mean it.” He bumped the end of her chin with his thumb, and she looked up through her lashes. “I _want_ to be in Gideon’s life. Not just to buy him things, but...all of it. All right?”

Belle pressed her lips together and nodded. It was what she always wanted, but she thought her years of deceit had ruined everything. When Gideon asked for a dad for Christmas, it was all she could do not to break down in front of him. She thought she was done crying, but her eyes were welling up again, stinging with fresh tears.

“You don’t have to do it alone,” Gold said softly. “You never had to.”

“I know.” She sniffed and breathed out, pushing off the counter and turning away from him. “Look, it's okay if you hate me for a while. Your feelings toward me don’t have to get in the way of you having a relationship with your son. Okay?”

He shook his head and moved to stand behind her. “I don't hate you.” 

Her body moved as she took a deep breath, and he brought his hand up to rest on her shoulder for a moment, then let it fall to his side. “I hate the decision you made. I hate that you didn't tell me Gideon was mine. I hate _myself_ even more for being blind to it when it was all right there.” 

“And I hate that we lost all that time together.” Gold sighed. He felt raw and tired and more alive than he had in years. “The three of us.”

Belle turned around slowly. “What are you saying?”

He gave her a small smile. “You asked me what I wanted?” He waited until she nodded, and raised a hand to brush the underside of her chin. “I want you. And Gideon.”

Her face softened, her eyes lighting up in spite of the tears gathering in the corners.

“I know it will take time,” he continued, letting his fingers slide along her jaw to brush her hair back from the side of her face. “And you don’t have to say any -”

She pushed up on her toes and kissed him, her hand wrapping around behind his neck to hold him close. He made a noise of surprise just before she pulled back, dropping onto her heels.

“Come over Monday night?”

Gold frowned. “But it’s -”

“Christmas Eve,” she finished. Then she smiled widely, letting her hand trail down the front of his suit. “I know. Gideon always opens the presents that aren’t from Santa the night before. You can bring the robot dinosaur.” 

He nodded and reached up to take her hand, holding it against his chest. “Are you sure?”

“It’s Christmas,” she said, her head tilting as she smiled. “You should be there. With us.”

He grinned and leaned into to pressed a soft kiss to her forehead. “I’d like that.”


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gold arrives at Belle's house on Christmas Eve.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this isn't longer. I intended it to be, and then as I started the last chapter, I decided I wanted to tweak things. Also sorry this wasn't posted on time. I got so off on these fics this year. Stupid stomach flu. :( Yes, Belle and Gideon live in the little green house from 6x22. For the 31 Days of Fandomas prompt #23 - North Pole.

Gold made his way along the narrow sidewalk up to Belle’s little green house.

Packages in plastic bags banged against his leg as he moved, making his trek from the car to her door a bit precarious in the light dusting of snow they’d had overnight. He hoped she wouldn’t mind the extra purchases he’d brought with him. It had been three days since he found out Gideon was his son, and he thought he’d managed to keep things fairly low key considering he felt like he was constantly screaming on the inside. He wanted everyone to know, he wanted to be able to talk about his son to others and do all the things a father should be able to do.

Right now, however, he just wanted to make it through Christmas Eve without a fight or tears.

Belle had come by the shop yesterday, all tentative smiles and assurances. She admitted she hadn’t told Gideon yet because she thought he should be there when she did. He assumed was that was going to happen tonight, and despite his joy at knowing Gideon was his child, he also sort of felt like throwing up.

Taking a slow, deep breath, he raised his hand and knocked on the door.

After a tense few seconds, the door opened, and Gold was rewarded with Belle’s smiling face. “Hey.”

He smiled back. “Hey.”

She held the door open, and he took in her outfit as he stepped inside. She was wearing a deep green dress that flared at her knees with a shiny red belt around her middle. Her hair was pulled back on the sides and held with clips that had jingle bells on them. He could hear them tinkling softly as she moved, and his smile widened.

“What?”

Gold blinked and realized she’d caught him looking. “Nothing. You, uh, you look...nice.”

She ran a hand over her hair as the other smoothed her skirt and looked away. “Oh, um…”

“Lovely,” he amended, and she turned back to him with a shy smile. “Beautiful. If - if I may say so.”

Her lips twitched before she bit her lip and nodded. “You may,” she said. “And you look as dapper as ever.”

His face flushed at her compliment and at the pointed way she looked him up and down. He hadn’t worn anything different than he usually did, though he made an homage to the holiday with a charcoal gray suit, a deep red shirt, and a coordinating red tie that had subtle gold swirls.

“Thank you,” he replied, following her into the kitchen. A sweet, spicy scent hit him and he hummed in appreciation. “Smells wonderful.”

Belle turned towards him and grinned, swishing her skirt around her legs, before moving to the small stove. There wasn’t a burner on the old thing that didn’t have a pot of something on it, and the short counter to the side was littered with plates and containers.

“Roast, potatoes, sausage dressing, bread pudding, and…” she spun on her heel and picked up a platter from the counter. It was covered in cling wrap, and she was beaming as she came towards him. “Glazed shortbread cookies.”

His eyes went wide. “My favorite…”

“I know.” She shrugged and set the plate down. “I usually make everything on Christmas Eve and then we have leftovers the next day,” she explained. “That way there’s no rush, and if we don’t get out of our pajamas to have Christmas dinner, who cares?”

Gold smiled at the cozy image of Belle and Gideon tucked into the sofa in their little living room, in the glow of the Christmas tree lights, full bellies and hearts. His throat tightened and he tried not to think about how much time he’d missed because of a stupid misunderstanding. He had failed to let Belle know how he felt all those years ago, and he refused to do it again. 

As she turned again, he caught her by the shoulder and pulled her to him, pressing a soft kiss to her lips. When he pulled back, her eyes were wide and shining, and he swallowed hard. “Sounds lovely.”

Belle stared at him for a long moment, and then shook her head. “We should get your gifts hidden before Gideon comes home.”

He exhaled and nodded. “Yes, I, um, I hope you don’t mind, but I might have gotten more than we talked about…”

Her head tilted and she gave him a look. “You say this like I didn’t know you would do exactly that. I mean it looks like you swung by the North Pole and made a deal with Santa on your way here.” 

He frowned, and a beat later she tossed her head back and laughed. “No, I don’t mind,” she said, softly. “You’re entitled to a little spoiling, and after everything, I’m not exactly in a position to tell you not to.”

“Hey,” Gold said, stepping forward and resting his hands on her shoulders. “You’re his mother. That doesn’t change just because I’m here. You still make the rules, all right? You’ve been the only parent he’s known his whole life, and I know it’s going to take time to - adapt.”

She looked up at him and her eyes started to water, her lip trembling as she started to speak. “Alex, I -”

“Mo-om!” came Gideon’s voice, and they jumped apart.

Gold moved to the other side of the kitchen, and Belle grabbed the packages from the counter and swept them behind the small cart she used as an island. When Gideon came in the room, she was busy at the stove, stirring a stock pot of hot cider.

“Hey, Gid,” she said cheerfully, betraying none of the pent up emotion of just a few seconds ago.

“Hey,” he replied, then he made a face. “Mr. Gold. What are you doing here?”

“Hello,” Gold managed. He was face to face with his son, and he felt like his entire body was vibrating. He was warm head to toe and that odd sick feeling he’d had earlier came back with a vengeance.

“I asked Mr. Gold to join us for dinner,” Belle explained. “Is that...okay?”

Gideon looked from her to Gold and back, and shrugged. “Cool. Are you staying for presents too?”

Gold nodded. “If that’s all right. I may have even brought something for you...” He gave Gideon a sly smile and felt some of the tension leave his body. The boy seemed okay with things so far, and he hoped that continued.

“Awesome!” Gideon grinned widely. “You wanna see my room?”

“Uh…” Gold looked to Belle and made a face, and she smiled. “Sure. Lead the way.”

He followed Gideon out of the kitchen, his heart pounding with a strange excitement. He was about to see a six year old boy’s room and it was probably one of the happiest moments of his life.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Christmas Eve comes to an end, and Gold and Belle have a heart to heart.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to everyone who followed this story. I know it started in a very sad and angsty place, but that's not where I'm leaving it. Yes, there is a major thing unresolved, but I don't think it matters. It's going to happen, it will all be okay, everyone's going to be happily ever after. Sorry it's so late. For the 31 Days of Fandomas prompt #26 - Snow.

Snow had started falling outside, wet and thick.

It was Storybrooke’s first white Christmas in several years, and Gold sighed. He stared out the sliding glass door at the little patio and the small metal swing set by the back fence, illuminated by the street lamp at the end of the alley. Two heavy inches covered everything and more was forecasted through the night. He should have left a while ago if he wanted an easier drive home, but he couldn’t bring himself to move. Everything he’d ever wanted was in this little green house, and he felt like if he left then the spell that had blanketed them in joy all evening would be broken.

Gideon had been delighted with his gifts, and after it was all over and the living room floor was covered in scraps of wrapping paper and stray ribbon, Gold had been able to sit on the couch with his son and watch How the Grinch Stole Christmas. Belle, meanwhile, excused herself to clean up the kitchen, leaving them alone. 

About halfway through the movie, Gideon had quietly shifted closer and leaned against Gold’s arm. The boy hadn’t asked any questions about why he was there on Christmas, or why he brought presents. He was ready for an interrogation, for awkward stares and silence, but instead it was smooth and easy, like they did this every year. It was nothing Gold had expected when he walked up to the house with his heart in his throat.

What he definitely didn’t expect was what his son said as the credits rolled on the movie, and all the Whos were singing on Christmas morning.

_“I wish you could be my dad,” Gideon said, his eyes still on the television._

_Gold blinked, not knowing how to respond. He and Belle still hadn’t worked out how to tell the boy the truth, and had mutually decided that it should probably wait until after the holidays. He was considering that they may have to enlist the assistance of Archie Hopper, and then - this._

_“Uh, well…” Gold started._

_“Don’t tell mom I said that,” Gideon added quickly, glancing up at him. “Sorry.”_

_“Hey,” he said softly, feeling a tightness in his throat. “Don’t - don’t be sorry. You don’t need to be sorry for that, all right?”_

_Gideon nodded, and Gold looked over at the door to the kitchen to see Belle standing there. He must have looked panicked, because she gave him a watery smile and shook her head before crossing the space and sitting down next to Gideon._

He took a deep breath and started to smile. It seemed Gideon might be more than fine with the situation, which he hoped made it easier to tell him whenever they worked out what to say. As he was wrapping the presents the night before, he foolishly thought that it would be easiest to just say the words, blurt it out matter-of-factly and get it over and done with. _Gideon, I’m your father._

He snorted at his own stupid reference, and looked down at the empty cup of hot cocoa he’d made himself after he finished cleaning up the living room. The only thing that was easy was understanding why Belle couldn’t just do the same thing for him and tell him that he was Gideon’s father. It was the kind of thing that seemed so simple in your head, and easy to tell someone else to do, but somehow ended up being really complicated and difficult when you were suddenly the person who had to do it.

“Hey,” came Belle’s voice from behind him.

“Hey.” Gold turned and gave her a small smile. “All tucked in?”

She nodded and came to stand beside him, sharing his view of the dark, snowing backyard. “He was asleep before I was even halfway through the story. I’ll wait about an hour and then get out the presents from _‘Santa.’_ ”

Gold laughed softly and set his cup down on the little table next to the chair. “Good.”

“So,” she started, leaning to the side to bump her shoulder against his. “That seemed to go well.”

“Yes,” he agreed, glancing sideways at her. “Better than I expected.”

She gave him a small smile and wrapped her arm around his, pulling herself closer. Her other hand came down to hold his. “Did you expect he’d be upset that you were here?”

He shrugged. “No. Though I expected more questions about what I was doing here.”

"He's always liked you, you know."

Gold smiled. "I've always liked him. He's a sweet boy." He took a breath and swallowed. "I - I wish I could have done more for you. I wish I could have been there when things were tough. And don't tell me they weren't, because I know they were."

"I know," she admitted. "But you were there, you helped when I needed you to. As much as you could."

That wasn't entirely the case, and they both knew it, but there had been moments over the years where she'd gone to Gold, needing money or an extension on the rent, and he always granted it, always gave her as much as she would take. He would buy Gideon little things when they ran into each other at Granny's or at a store. An ice cream sundae here, a Hot Wheels car from the small toy aisle at the Dark Star pharmacy there. He would have given them both the moon if she would have let him.

"At least now you can't stop me," he said, smirking playfully.

"I know that too." She sighed and leaned her head against his shoulder as she watched the fat flakes hit the window and add to the collection on the sill. “I think he’s figuring it out. Or at least he - he suspects something.”

“Oh?” Gold swallowed, wondering what, if anything, Belle had told him.

“When he was in the bath, he told me what he told you,” she explained. “About how, um, how he wished you could be his - his dad. And I almost said it, you know? But everything - I just - I couldn’t and -” 

She paused and closed her eyes, sniffing and wiping away the tears that pricked at the corners of her eyes. He squeezed her hand, and she turned into him as he slipped his arm out of her grip and put it around her shoulders. 

She let him pull her against his chest as she sighed again. “Sorry.”

“No matter,” he replied, dropping a quick kiss to the top of her head. “We’ll sort it all out, right?”

Belle nodded, rubbing her face against his shirt. “Yeah. I just wish it was easier. It should be _so easy_.”

“But it’s not,” he said, exhaling and rubbing his hand up and down her bare arm. “I’m beginning to understand why it was so hard for you tell me.”

She pulled back, looking up at him. “Yeah?”

He gazed down at her, the corner of his mouth curving up. “Yeah.”

“Does that mean you might be able to forgive me?” she asked. Then she bit her lip and returned his small smile.

Gold’s face softened and he shifted, turning her by the shoulders so she was facing him. “Hey now, don’t - don’t say that. I already have, okay?”

She tipped her head back, her brow knit as she looked up at him. “You have?”

He nodded, his head tilting as he lifted a hand and brushed his thumb along the edge of her jaw. It surprised him, but he had forgiven her. He’d been violently angry that night in his shop, but as soon as she’d come in the door it all dissipated. The only thing he wanted was to have his son, and her, in his life. What happened before didn’t matter anymore. 

“Of course I have,” he answered. “I - I love you, Belle.”

Her eyes watered immediately, and his fingers caught the first tear that fell, brushing it aside.

She sniffed wetly and her lips trembled. “Yeah?”

He nodded, wanting to kiss her until she believed him without reservation, but holding back. There was no guarantee she felt the same now, or that she ever had, as much as he’d wanted to believe it that night they were together. Sure she had kissed him, but that didn’t have to mean anything. All he had to do was remember his ex-wife to understand that, but he promised himself this morning that he would be as open and honest as he could be, as neither of them had managed before now. It was the only way forward.

“Me too,” came her small voice.

He blinked. “What?”

She let out a short laugh and smiled. “I love you too.”

Gold felt dazed, like he was floating in some kind of soft fog, and he smiled as he bent to kiss her. She tipped her head back at the last second and pushed up on her toes, meeting him halfway and immediately wrapping her arms around his neck, pulling herself flush against his body. He held her close, one had at her waist, the other cupping the side of her face as her lips parted.

Everything was the same, the feel of her against him, the taste of her mouth, and he gasped when she bit gently at his bottom lip before pulling away.

“Stay,” she whispered.

He licked at his lips as he searched her eyes. “Are you sure?”

Belle nodded. “Nothing has to happen, just - just stay, please? There’s a guest room if you want it, I don’t care. It’s snowing and - and I just want you to be here in the morning. I don’t want to miss anymore time.”

“Me too.” He could feel his eyes burning as he grinned. “I’ll stay.”

Then he kissed her again as the snow continued to fall outside and their son slept peacefully upstairs. For the first time in his mostly miserable existence, things were looking decidedly up, and Alexander Gold had all he could ever want for Christmas.


End file.
